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Mindfulness exercises
Changing your critical self talk
By Jon Kabat- Zinn
This exercise should be done over several weeks and will eventually form the blueprint for changing how you relate to yourself long-term. Some people find it useful to work on their inner critic by writing in a journal. Others are more comfortable doing it via internal dialogues. If you are someone who likes to write things down and revisit them later, journaling can be an excellent tool for transformation. If you are someone (like me) who never manages to be consistent with a journal, then do whatever works for you. You can speak aloud to yourself, or think silently.
- The first step towards changing the way to treat yourself is to notice when you are being self-critical. It may be that – like many of us — your self-critical voice is so common for you that you don’t even notice when it is present. Whenever you’re feeling bad about something, think about what you’ve just said to yourself. Try to be as accurate as possible, noting your inner speech verbatim. What words do you actually use when you’re self-critical? Are there key phrases that come up over and over again? What is the tone of your voice – harsh, cold, angry? Does the voice remind you of any one in your past who was critical of you? You want to be able to get to know the inner self-critic very well, and to become aware of when your inner judge is active. Really try to get a clear sense of how you talk to yourself.
- Make an active effort to soften the self-critical voice, but do so with compassion rather than self-judgment. Say something like “I know you’re worried about me and feel unsafe, but you are causing me unnecessary pain. Could you let my inner compassionate self say a few words now?”
- Reframe the observations made by your inner critic in a friendly, positive way. If you’re having trouble thinking of what words to use, you might want to imagine what a very compassionate friend would say to you in this situation. It might help to use a term of endearment that strengthens expressed feelings of warmth and care (but only if it feels natural rather than schmaltzy. While engaging in this supportive self-talk, you might want to try gently stroking your arm, or holding your face tenderly in your hands (as long as no one’s looking). Physical gestures of warmth can tap into the caregiving system even if you’re having trouble calling up emotions of kindness at first, releasing oxytocin that will help change your bio-chemistry. The important thing is that you start acting kindly, and feelings of true warmth and caring will eventually follow.
Mindfulness exercises
Guided Mindfulness Scripts
Sitting Meditation with Awareness of Sounds
Sitting in an erect and dignified posture; lowering the eyes or closing them; whatever is comfortable for you at this moment—allow your hands to rest on your legs or on your lap. Bringing your awareness to sounds. Notice sounds in this room, sounds outside the room, sounds near and far. Not making any efforts to listen to sounds, simply allow the sounds to come to you. This is pure hearing.
Noticing when the mind gets distracted with a story, planning, memories, thoughts of anticipation, regrets, blaming…and, gently and firmly, with kindness for yourself, redirect your mind to sounds. Notice if the mind has moved to judgments like I like this sound or I don’t like that sound, and see if you can allow yourself to continue hearing regardless of your present likes or dislikes.
Bringing awareness to the silence between the sounds; just listening to whatever is coming to you in the form of sound.
And in the last few moments of this meditation, see if you can allow yourself to rest and nourish yourself by being right here, present to whatever is unfolding…accepting yourself exactly as you are and accepting everyone around you, including those difficult people in your life, exactly as they are…extending, with your thoughts, kindness and compassion to them.
And when you are ready, bring your attention back to the room, and allow your body to stretch—breathing deeply, releasing with the out-breath whatever you don’t need right now, and with the in-breath, bringing new energy into your body.
© 2015 Lisa R. Fortuna and Zayda Vallejo / New Harbinger Publications.
Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.
Mindfulness exercises
Loving Kindness Mediation
Here's a simple loving-kindness meditation script for you:
- Find a quiet and comfortable place where you can sit or lie down without any distractions. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to relax your body and mind.
- Begin by directing your attention to yourself. Repeat the following phrases silently or aloud, and truly wish them for yourself: "May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be safe. May I live with ease."
- Visualize or imagine a warm, radiant light surrounding your heart, filling you with love and compassion. Allow this light to spread throughout your entire body, enveloping you in a cocoon of loving-kindness.
- Now, bring to mind someone you care about—a close friend or family member. Picture their face and repeat the following phrases, genuinely extending your well-wishes to them: "May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you live with ease."
- Expand your circle of compassion further by bringing to mind a neutral person—a stranger or acquaintance. Visualize their face and repeat the phrases: "May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you live with ease."
- Finally, think of someone with whom you have difficulty or conflict—a challenging person. This can be a real person or someone from your past. Offer them the same well-wishes: "May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you live with ease." Allow yourself to let go of any negativity or resentment towards them and cultivate a sense of understanding and forgiveness.
- Now, bring all the people you have focused on—the loved one, the neutral person, and the challenging person—into your awareness. Imagine sending waves of loving-kindness to all beings, without exception. Repeat the phrases: "May all beings be happy. May all beings be healthy. May all beings be safe. May all beings live with ease."
- Take a few moments to rest in this state of loving-kindness, basking in the warmth and compassion you have cultivated. Feel the positive energy radiating from your heart and extending out into the world.
- When you are ready, gently open your eyes and bring your attention back to the present moment.
Remember, the key to loving-kindness meditation is to genuinely cultivate feelings of love, compassion, and well-wishes for yourself and others. Practice this meditation regularly to strengthen your capacity for kindness and empathy.